Slipping Away
by eelahnie
Summary: After Callie leaves with Sofia, Arizona is lost and alone. Will she take the necessary steps to help herself? Can their relationship be fixed? Canon through 10x02.
1. Chapter 1

**The idea for this popped into my head after watching 10x03; it was originally supposed to be a one-shot but will now be longer. I love Calzona but I sometimes find Arizona difficult to understand so I decided to use this to explore her head. This will mostly be from Arizona's POV but there may be some chapters from Callie's POV as well. Plus, there'll be lots of Sofia time. Oh, and this is my first fic, in case you were wondering.**

**The greatest of thank yous to MaybeIShouldGetACat for her invaluable help.**

**Also, we survived 200 episodes! *30 second dance party* **

**Enjoy!**

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"I love you so much and I miss you every second 'cause you're my girl."

Arizona cradled Sofia on her lap as tears crept down her face. She had resolved herself to keep her composure while waiting for someone to answer the door at Meredith and Derek's house but seeing Sofia, _seeing Callie_, she hadn't been able to keep it together. Everything she had planned to say to Callie was replaced with the urgent need to hold her daughter because she couldn't hold her wife. But Callie had insisted that Sofia needed to go to bed, that Arizona was putting on an act to gain sympathy. Why couldn't Callie see that she just needed Sofia for a moment? Just for a moment to still feel loved. If it hadn't been for Cristina…

Now that she had Sofia safely in her arms on the porch, staring up at her with Callie's eyes, the tears came relentlessly. All she could do was stare back at Sofia, a small smile playing on her lips as she fought the sobs building in her throat. "You mean everything to me," Arizona whispered into Sofia's ear as she placed a kiss lightly on her cheek. Sofia responded with a shiver and Arizona wrapped Sofia's pink blanket tightly around her. _'Good mothers wouldn't do that.'_ Arizona silently berated herself for bringing her daughter outside in the middle of the night with nothing on but a pair of thin pajamas and her baby blanket. She tightened her grip on Sofia further and rocked her back and forth, unwilling to let her go. The blonde rested her chin on Sofia's head and began to hum a lullaby, content to rock her daughter forever.

Sofia leaned into Arizona's chest, wrapping her tiny arms around her mother's waist as best she could before letting out a small sigh. Arizona could not help the fresh tears that rolled down her cheeks and into the little girl's dark hair, Callie's hair. She loved Sofia with everything she had. In fact, she was surprised at how much fuller her heart had grown since Sofia was born. Arizona had been opposed to having kids, had defended her rationalizations about having children to Callie on countless occasions. But the shooting overrode all her objections and the second Sofia had come into the world, everything changed for Arizona. She saw the world differently, saw all the opportunities that Sofia would have and she suddenly couldn't imagine not having children with Callie. The second Sofia was born, Arizona knew that there was no greater gift she could ever have than having a family with Callie. Yet somehow, in the blink of an eye, it was all slipping away.

She looked down at Sofia as the little girl nestled further into her chest, seeking warmth and comfort. It was obvious that Arizona and Callie were suffering but Sofia was suffering too. She could sense that something was not right; children always know. Sadness overwhelmed Arizona because her little girl knew that something was wrong and there was nothing Arizona could do at the moment to fix her issues with Callie. She could hold Sofia, though, and guarantee that at least for a little while Sofia would feel completely secure and loved. She continued to rock her gently as she smiled sadly down at her, lifting her hand to Sofia's face to trace small delicate circles on Sofia's plump cheeks. She marveled at the beautiful little girl in front of her, enamored by how much she looked just like Callie.

Arizona winced and more tears fell into Sofia's hair. _'Callie. My sweet Calliope.'_ A sob escaped her mouth and she hugged Sofia tighter, causing her to stir. Sofia looked up into her mother's face and Arizona reassured her, "I'm okay, we're okay, everything is going to be okay." Arizona looked up as she held Sofia's head to her chest, trying in vain to stop the small shakes that were wracking her body. She squeezed her eyes shut in an attempt to stop the flow of tears, but to no avail. _'Stop crying, dammit. Stop crying, for Sofia.'_ Arizona sniffled before looking back down at Sofia who was still staring up at her. She placed her hand under Sofia's chin and tilted the little girl's head up. As she blew her a kiss, she studied the shape of Sofia's face. She had Callie's face, yes, but she also had Mark's face. Sofia was beautiful. All parents think that their children are beautiful, that comes with the territory. But Sofia truly was beautiful, and yet Arizona found herself wishing that Sofia had her face, not Mark's. He was not Arizona's first choice. He wasn't even her second or third choice. But he is what she got.

Arizona thought back to her short time in Malawi. She loved the tiny humans there and she loved being able to give them the medical attention they needed, but she loved Callie more. She was in love with Calliope, and that trumped everything else. She came back, practically ran back from Malawi and her tiny humans, ready to sweep Callie off her feet. Instead, she was met with hostility, and justifiably so.

_As she unpacked a box in her new apartment, Arizona heard movement across the hall and then the apartment door opened. "What the hell?" Callie mumbled, as Arizona came out of her apartment, a bright smile on her face._

_"Oh, good morning!" she chirped cheerfully as her gaze fell on Callie and Mark. She noted that they were both coming out of his apartment but she decided not to dwell on it, determined to remain positive. She smiled at them as Callie stalked slowly toward her._

_"What are you doing here?" Callie asked, glaring at Arizona._

_"Oh, I bought out our sub-letters, I'm moving back in," She finished with a smile. Having Callie this close to her, even though she was clearly upset, was enough to set Arizona's skin ablaze. She missed her so much. "Hooray!"_

_"Okay, they weren't your sub-letters, they were my s-sub-letters," Callie finished with a frown. She was standing so close, Arizona could feel her body heat radiating forward._

_"Well, now, uh, I'm your sub-letter." Arizona smiled back at Callie, a bit less happily, as Callie stared at her incredulously, her mouth hanging open. "Hooray?" Arizona tried again, finishing with her signature dimpled grin. Callie stepped in even closer, a serious look on her face as she approached. The blonde took a step back as she registered Callie's hostility._

_"My lack of interest in seeing you is not a strategy. I'm not playing hard to get. I don't want to see you." Arizona looked down and pursed her lips before looking up as Callie continued. "Because I turned my life upside down for you and you walked away because for a week I was cranky." Callie sneered. Arizona looked Callie in the eye, really looked at her. Clearly she had mulled this over for quite some time. "You're untrustworthy. So, I don't want to see you. You're self-centered so I don't want to see you. I am a hundred percent certain that if I let you back into my life again you will hurt me again. So, I don't want to see you. This isn't a ploy, I'm not, I'm not pouting. I don't want you in my life! Get your crap out of my apartment."_

She remembered how all the while, Mark stood behind Callie listening to their conversation and watching Arizona's reaction. Mark was always there. Always, because he and Callie were a package deal. She hadn't expected Callie to welcome her back warmly and it made sense that Callie would turn to Mark when her heart was broken. She knew it was going to be an uphill battle. Callie had the right to be pissed and as her best friend, Mark had the right to console her, Arizona didn't deny them that, but she definitely didn't expect what she learned soon afterward.

That same evening, Arizona had caught Callie in the elevator after a long day's work.

_She slid through the doors just as they began to close, catching Callie off guard; Callie watched her out of the corner of her eye. "I bail, ok?" Callie looked away sullenly as Arizona continued, "When things get hard I-I walk away and maybe it's because I grew up an army brat. We moved every eighteen months. Maybe I never learned to commit." Callie slowly turned back toward her but wouldn't meet her eyes. "But I'm here now and I'm staying because I'm gonna fight to make sure that you know that I'm committed to this thing." Callie finally looked at her but looked away again as Arizona pressed on, "I-I-I'm not perfect but neither are you. And you-you want to talk about faults? Well how about not being able to forgive?" It seemed as if Callie was truly listening now so she continued on, encouraged. "At some point, you're gonna have to forgive me and it may as well be now." Callie looked back at Arizona and finally held her gaze. "Because I am in love with you Calliope, and you are in love with me. And all I'm asking for is one more chance."_

_They stared each other down for a few intense moments, each unwilling to be the first to look away. Arizona noted the weird look on Callie's face but ignored it in the hope that her little speech had struck a chord. Callie finally turned to face her completely. "You want another chance?"_

_"Yes, more than anything I want another chance," Arizona replied emphatically with a small smile. Callie just swallowed, then swallowed again, and Arizona felt a sinking feeling in her stomach. The kind of feeling that you get when you know someone is about to deliver bad news and there is nothing you can do about it._

_"Today I found out that I'm pregnant. With Mark's baby." The smile faded from Arizona's face as the sinking feeling began to crush her. "How 'bout now?"_

The unthinkable had happened. To say she had been pissed was the understatement of the year. Pissed didn't even begin to explain how hurt she was that Callie almost immediately jumped into bed with Mark after she left. _'Palate cleanser my ass_,_'_ she thought to herself. She knew in her head that they were broken up but that didn't stop her heart from breaking or stop her from feeling that Callie had betrayed her. And with Mark, of all people!

Arizona was suddenly pulled from her reverie by the sound of light snoring. For a moment she looked around confused but then remembered that Sofia was sitting on her lap. She had fallen asleep in her mother's arms; her head tilted back slightly, her mouth puckered to form a little "O". Arizona smiled down at her in awe. The wind picked up slightly, blowing wisps of Sofia's raven hair into her face. She smoothed her hair back down but the wind picked it right back up. She hated that Callie had slept with Mark and even more so that she had gotten pregnant. But she got Sofia out of it and that made dealing with the heartache so worth it. Sofia made her want to go on. Sofia made her want to push forward and be a better person, a better wife, a better mother, a better friend. She couldn't do it by herself though. She ran through a list of people in her head, hoping to pinpoint someone she could lean on for support. But other than her perfect little angel, Arizona came to the sinking realization that she was utterly alone.

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**Please let me know what you think!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Hi again, guys. Just a few things I need to mention before we get into chapter 2. First, I've decided to write this concurrent to season 10 so this will consist of everything that happens between episodes that we ordinarily wouldn't get to see.**

**Second, thank you again to MaybeIShouldGetACat.**

**Third, I have exams this week and next week so I will try to squeeze in at least one update during that time but no guarantees.**

**Finally, I don't own any of the characters as they are the property of Shonda Rhimes and ABC.**

**Enjoy!**

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As the realization hit her like a ton of bricks, Arizona froze. She could feel Sofia's weight on her lap but otherwise she was numb. She no longer could feel the wind blowing Sofia's hair into her face or the hardness of the bolt in the wooden bench pressing into her left leg where the skin met the socket of her prosthetic. The fuzziness of the pink blanket didn't register against her skin either. She couldn't hear the rustling of the leaves as the wind blew and the faint talking from those in the house didn't reach her ears. Only Sofia's light snores pierced the devastating quiet around her. Arizona zoned out as her chest began to heave and her breathing became labored. As the seconds ticked by like hours, her breaths grew shallower until she could not inhale enough air. Her skin felt tight and clammy and she started to tremble. All the while, Sofia snored peacefully in her lap.

Her first instinct was to run. Pack up her bags and return to her parents. She could drop everything and leave without looking back. No one here would miss her, that was for sure. Running was easy, the easiest thing she could do. Of course her parents would take her in, right? She was Arizona Robbins, renowned pediatric surgeon. She could get a job wherever she wanted. People would fight to hire her. She even considered returning to Malawi for a moment. _'Me, on a plane? Not going to happen.' _

As the thought occurred to her, a manic laugh bubbled up out of her mouth. Sofia jumped on her lap and let out a whimper, her face contorting into a grimace as she was startled awake. As she started crying, Arizona's head snapped up. She immediately lifted Sofia into her arms, hugging her tightly as she rocked her gently and whispered soothing things in her ear. There was movement in the house and the front door opened. Cristina stood in the doorway, a questioning look on her face. She made eye contact with Arizona and Arizona shook her head slightly, a silent "no". Cristina nodded and ducked back inside the house, closing the door again.

"Cristina, what's going on? Why is she crying? Bring her to me, now." Arizona heard Callie admonish.

Arizona rolled her eyes as Cristina responded. "She's fine, Callie, relax."

"Then why is she crying?" Callie asked defensively. "Tell me why Sofia's crying, Cristina." _'She's not crying anymore,'_ Arizona thought to herself.

"Because little kids cry? I'm sure its nothing, calm down."

"Bring me my daughter, _now_." Callie admonished more forcefully. "You said five minutes. It's been _much_ longer than five minutes." After a few seconds, Arizona heard movement in the house again and the front door flew open once more, this time with Callie standing in the doorway. Their eyes met, Callie's angry and hurt, Arizona's pleading.

"Callie plea –" Arizona began, but she was quickly cut off by Derek, his hand on Callie's forearm.

"Give her five more minutes and then you can put Sofia to bed," he said. Callie stared at Arizona for a fraction of a second more before looking at Derek's hand on her arm and then finally at Derek. She turned on her heel and stalked back into the house, mumbling angrily in Spanish. Derek's face was the picture of sympathy as he looked at Arizona. "Five more minutes," he said before closing the door.

Arizona closed her eyes and exhaled slowly. _'Five more minutes.'_ That's all she had left tonight. She opened her eyes quickly and smiled at Sofia who was slowly drifting back to sleep. She looked so peaceful when she was asleep. Callie also looked peaceful when she was asleep. _'Cut that out.'_ She refused to let thoughts of Callie cloud her remaining few minutes with her daughter. Arizona stood up and walked around in small circles, her movements lulling Sofia. She was soon sleep again so Arizona stopped moving and just watched her sleep until the front door was reopened.

It was Cristina, again. She walked toward Arizona with her arms outstretched. "Come here, Sofia," she cooed.

"She's asleep already." Arizona gently transferred Sofia into Cristina's arms, careful not to jostle or wake her. "I love you," Arizona whispered as she placed a kiss on Sofia's head.

Cristina nodded and then headed back towards the door before pausing and turning around. "Goodnight, Arizona," she said, a sad smile playing on her lips.

"Goodnight, Cristina," she responded, adopting the same sad smile. She watched as Cristina turned back around and went into the house, shutting the door and effectively shutting her out. Arizona bowed her head in sadness as she prepared to return to her empty apartment when she noticed Sofia's blanket halfway hidden beneath the bench she had been sitting on. She walked over to the bench, absentmindedly resting her left hand on her left leg as she bent down, bearing her weight on her right leg. Grabbing the blanket, she stood back up slowly, lifting it to her face and inhaling with a smile. For a second, she considered knocking on the door again. Sofia needed her blanket to sleep. But then she remembered that Sofia was already asleep and could do without it until tomorrow.

With the blanket in hand, Arizona stepped off the porch and headed toward her SUV. She settled in the driver seat but couldn't bring herself to start the engine. So she sat there. And sat there. And then sat there some more.

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By the time Arizona pulled into the parking garage, it was after three in the morning and she was exhausted. She turned off the SUV's engine and tucked the keys into her purse. Grabbing Sofia's blanket, she extricated herself from the front seat and walked slowly to the garage's elevator. She pressed the button to call the elevator and then leaned against the wall to relieve her left leg of her body's weight. She closed her eyes and exhaled loudly as she waited for the _ding_ signaling the elevator's arrival.

When it finally came, she stepped inside and pressed the button for the fifth floor. Stepping back against the wall, she rested her hands on the rail as the elevator ascended. It was an uninterrupted trip to the fifth floor and she exited the elevator, walking up to her apartment door. With Sofia's blanket in her left hand, she snaked her right hand into her purse, looking for her keys. When her hand repeatedly came up empty she gave up and slowly settled herself on the floor. Staying put was tempting. There were no other apartments on this side of the floor so no one would bother her here. She leaned her head back against her apartment door and her eyes came to rest on the door to Mark's apartment. As numerous thoughts crashed through her head, she grabbed her purse. Dumping its contents on the floor beside her, she found her keys and then quickly threw everything back in before beginning the process of raising herself up off the floor. Once she was up, she unlocked her door and went inside.

Dropping her things one by one, she made her way to Sofia's room and laid her blanket on the edge of the bed. By this point, she was moving with a pronounced limp so she headed into her bedroom to remove her prosthetic. She quickly took off her top and let it drop to the floor before going for her belt buckle. Remembering that her shoes were still on, she rolled her eyes and sat at the edge of the bed, bending at the waist to quickly remove her right shoe. She stood up and wobbled slightly, finding her balance and then unzipping her pants. They slid down her legs as she sat back down on the bed, unstrapping her prosthetic and allowing her pants to fall the rest of the way off. Lifting the prosthetic, she eased the pants off of it and let them hit the floor before leaning her leg lightly against the wall.

Arizona wriggled her toes and looked around the room. The closet doors hung open, revealing a half empty hanger rack. Callie's pajamas were gone, as well as three pairs of her shoes and a duffel bag and Arizona could see that her toothbrush was no longer on the bathroom sink. The picture of the three of them, Callie with her arm around Arizona as Arizona held Sofia, was gone from the bureau. Their wedding picture was nowhere to be found.

Releasing a sigh, she snagged her pajamas from the bed and shimmied into them before reaching for her crutches which were propped against the wall by the bed. She stood and placed the pads of the crutches under her arms as she swung her body slowly out of the room.

Arizona made her way to the linen closet. Leaning her right crutch against the wall, she opened the door, snagged a thin comforter from the shelf, and then closed the door back. Tossing the comforter lightly over her shoulder, she grabbed her right crutch and placed it back under her arm. She turned slowly and headed for Sofia's room. Once inside, she dumped the comforter onto the love seat next to the bed and grabbed Sofia's blanket. She lowered herself into the chair and released her crutches, letting them fall to the floor. Pulling her right leg up into the chair, she adjusted the comforter over her body and cradled the blanket to her face, finally allowing herself to drift to sleep.

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Arizona woke with a start and looked around, disoriented. It took her a minute to realize that she was in a child's room and another minute to realize that she was in Sofia's room. _'I don't remember coming home last night.'_ She squinted at the light coming in through the window as the incessant throbbing in her head made itself apparent. She carefully folded Sofia's blanket which had fallen into her lap during the night and placed in on the edge of the chair. She then reached down and retrieved her crutches from the floor. Eyeing the comforter hanging off the chair, she decided to leave it there as she made her way into the kitchen.

She grabbed a glass from the counter and then made her way to the bathroom. She opened the cabinet above the sink and removed a bottle of aspirin and one other object, placing both on the sink. She filled the glass with water from the faucet and then swallowed two aspirin, closing her eyes as she contemplated what she was about to do. She reached down and grabbed the pair of silver scissors that she had taken out of the cabinet. She looked at her reflection in the mirror, noting the dark circles under her red, puffy eyes before lifting the scissors up in front of her face. With her crutches balanced under her arms, she grabbed a strand of her hair and began to cut.

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**Thoughts?**


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